No Need for a Mask

My first grandchild was born 7.3.09. His name is Brock Layne. At his birth, I had a lot of new feelings...new life, new chapter, what a miracle, but also the feeling of another identity for me. All my friends said I would be "ga-ga" and my whole life would change. I didn't feel that instantly like I thought I was going to. I did look at my son and think: "Way to go. Another home run since baseball has been such a part of our lives for 30 years." Brock is a beautiful baby...so beautiful that women all over the world will look at his long, gorgeous eyelashes and say "what a waste to give them to a guy." He's a handsome little fellow and I'm already in love and quite proud - with a definite turn to ga-ga! Brock Layne 7.3.09 It's a new role for me...this role of Nana. I've always felt my role in my family, usually that of "lead role" since I am the oldest of four children. It's a role that brings about a mask to a large extent. For the people I love and those that pass through my daily life, I've worn a mask for a long time and I'm wondering if the mask can now come off...now that I'm a Nana. Being the oldest of four, I always felt a bit of pressure about being the "good girl", the pleaser, doing the right thing and solving problems. Being a problem solver has helped me so much in my career (well, most of the time) but, unfortunately, on a personal level people really don't want their problems solved...they just want you to listen, be supportive and let them know you care. I'm learning that lesson late in life. This scenario plays out in a work situation, as well as with friends and family. Sometimes I have the mask on so tight and wear it so well noone seems to notice. But deep down, I know I am not free to simply be who I really want to be; hence, frequently I feel invisible. There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing a mask or playing a role. It's a natural part of any social dynamic and it can even be creative and fun. However, it becomes a problem when I feel I have no choice but to wear the mask and it's certainly a challenge if I feel I am without it. Do any of us know who we really are—a special beam of individual light—and have identified ourselves completely with a role. We may be the dutiful, caring daughter who keeps her parents’ dysfunctional marriage intact. We may be the dutiful wife who enables her husband to continue on a destructive path. We may be the cheerful daughter to a deeply depressed mother. Whatever the case, knowing the motivation behind the performance—the function of the mask—can help to cover the true face and identity. In my opinion, anytime we find ourselves behind a mask, it is an indication we are entangled in a dysfunctional dynamic in which our true self cannot be seen. Perhaps we've been placed in this situation for the purpose of our own healing and, in some cases, the healing of others. From this perspective, life can be seen as a series of situations that call us to remove our masks—gently, and with great compassion for all concerned—to reveal the beauty underneath. The role of Nana seems natural and easy for me and I see no need for a mask in my Nana role. Perhaps it is because this little guy expects nothing of his Nana, doesn't know my background of trials and errors and just latches his little finger to mine. As it's been quoted: "The moment they placed you in my arms, you were forever in my heart." Definitely for this precious one...no mask needed!