My mom and me...she had all the Indian features...me, not so many. That Mother's Day, like so many before, she was surrounded by friends and family that loved her, including my two sons, but I was in LaGrande, Oregon… way in the mountains on business. Her first born, independent and far from home chasing a dream…but that’s how she wanted me…believing I could do anything I dreamed. When I left her that week in the hospital, I flew to Oregon believing she was going to surgery, would be fine and out of pain when I returned. But neither my beliefs, nor her talented surgeons, could fix her broken heart. It was Mom’s time to be with her Lord and Saviour. At her services 5 days later, I told all her friends and family what a "worry wart" she was. They chuckled because they knew. I told them she didn't think anybody would be there that day... and as I looked around at standing room only, with the room filled with beautiful flowers, I read this poem for her:
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard him call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I’ve found my place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss;
Yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
For I wish sunshine for your tomorrow.
My life's been full and blessed with much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
Mom is probably still smiling knowing her family and friends “showed up” and I smile because she touched so many lives, mine included. For my sisters, my brother, me and our families, it was a life changing event. Our lives have never been the same and I’m a continuing work of change. Letting go has been one of my biggest challenges but I'm determined to get it right and live every day like those days when she was here helping to push me forward with words of encouragement and never missing a time to tell me that she loved me. My family is a big "I love you family." I never want to miss an opportunity to let those I love not hear those words...it was deeply planted in my heart by my family and in leading by example, I will not change that tradition of letting those I care about know that no matter what changes...the love endures. When I called to wish Janellie a happy day, we chatted about everything and said our "I love you's." Mom would be happy.
Maybe we are finally moving forward and making changes that needed to be made. We will never forget our Mom and all the memories, but God Bless her, if we don’t change and let go, how do we go forward with the new things that are right here in front of us? Janellie has a new grandson, Rex, a sweet fellow, Kevin, who makes her smile and laugh A LOT. I have two healthy, happy and successful sons...here's Sam and me
Steven...my oldest and about to be New Dad.
a beautiful daughter-in-awe, Lauren (on the right) here with her best friend Tyler, who just helped give her a beautiful baby shower for my grandson 
about to make his debut 7.4.09
gee, I hope he likes baseball….so many things to smile about there are too many to name. Perhaps Janellie and I have grown up, matured, and are beginning to let go and make room for these new chapters in our lives.
Changing and letting go has been a slow process and I have been known to be “in time out” from friends and family, but it’s because I don’t want to be held hostage by my past…clinging to it like a child behind his mother’s apron. When I go into “time out” it’s usually from a relationship that didn’t work out, or a disappointment I feel I’ve caused, but…I do this little chant to try to bring me back to the moment: It’s good to be merry and wise, It’s good to be honest and true, but it’s best to be off with the old, before you’re on with the new.
Just one of my little “isms” I live by. How can I go forward in life with all the good I know is in store, if I keep holding hands with stuff from my past? A business friend told me: “Mistakes are but a rung on the ladder in the education of experience.” Ken was a professional baseball player and it was one of his coaches that threw this at him like a 90+ mph pitch and while I had to think about it a bit, I “get it.” If I cling to my past mistakes, or just hold good thoughts clenched like they can never happen again, they will keep my mind cluttered…unable to let new thoughts and experience happen. No, I must be out with the old to let the new in. Yes, I am working on "Letting Go to Let Happen. It’s okay for me to hold on to my memories but I prefer to draw on them as a reserve to let newcomers peek into my heart and soul, see where I have been while I continue in forward motion … growing and changing.
I know I am a continuing work of “change” and want to continue to grow and change though most of my friends know I find the process difficult. But I will continue to work on my becoming more flexible so my mind and my heart is open for good times and good feelings. If I dwell on my mistakes and don’t open my heart for new experiences, love and kindness, as well as acknowledge that I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to become “stuck.” Stuck in a world of just coasting along, going through life not feeling all there is to feel, or experiencing the joy that life has to offer. My son, Sam, gave me an award that hangs in my home. It’s an “I Love You Award to a Very Special Person that he wrote when he was 12 years old. While I enjoy my collection of Mediterranean prints by Howard Behrens, http://www.chooseart.net/howard_behrens.html Sam’s art and words of kindness help encourage me. I want to be the person my Mom, my family and friends have all helped me to be and that I know can be even better. I didn't arrive here alone...there was a lot of help along the way.
about to make his debut 7.4.09
gee, I hope he likes baseball….so many things to smile about there are too many to name. Perhaps Janellie and I have grown up, matured, and are beginning to let go and make room for these new chapters in our lives.
Changing and letting go has been a slow process and I have been known to be “in time out” from friends and family, but it’s because I don’t want to be held hostage by my past…clinging to it like a child behind his mother’s apron. When I go into “time out” it’s usually from a relationship that didn’t work out, or a disappointment I feel I’ve caused, but…I do this little chant to try to bring me back to the moment: It’s good to be merry and wise, It’s good to be honest and true, but it’s best to be off with the old, before you’re on with the new.
Just one of my little “isms” I live by. How can I go forward in life with all the good I know is in store, if I keep holding hands with stuff from my past? A business friend told me: “Mistakes are but a rung on the ladder in the education of experience.” Ken was a professional baseball player and it was one of his coaches that threw this at him like a 90+ mph pitch and while I had to think about it a bit, I “get it.” If I cling to my past mistakes, or just hold good thoughts clenched like they can never happen again, they will keep my mind cluttered…unable to let new thoughts and experience happen. No, I must be out with the old to let the new in. Yes, I am working on "Letting Go to Let Happen. It’s okay for me to hold on to my memories but I prefer to draw on them as a reserve to let newcomers peek into my heart and soul, see where I have been while I continue in forward motion … growing and changing.
I know I am a continuing work of “change” and want to continue to grow and change though most of my friends know I find the process difficult. But I will continue to work on my becoming more flexible so my mind and my heart is open for good times and good feelings. If I dwell on my mistakes and don’t open my heart for new experiences, love and kindness, as well as acknowledge that I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to become “stuck.” Stuck in a world of just coasting along, going through life not feeling all there is to feel, or experiencing the joy that life has to offer. My son, Sam, gave me an award that hangs in my home. It’s an “I Love You Award to a Very Special Person that he wrote when he was 12 years old. While I enjoy my collection of Mediterranean prints by Howard Behrens, http://www.chooseart.net/howard_behrens.html Sam’s art and words of kindness help encourage me. I want to be the person my Mom, my family and friends have all helped me to be and that I know can be even better. I didn't arrive here alone...there was a lot of help along the way.
Perhaps it was His Plan to change our lives with the loss of Mom on Mother’s Day, 2004. It changed my life; it took me out of my comfort zone but it strengthened my character, as well as my faith. Losing Mom has changed me and it’s taught me valuable lessons about growing, about my journey and about new beginnings. My heart is open, I'm staying focused on the good in my life, and looking forward to the future.
God Bless you, Mom…Always Remembered.
It's been a long winter, with little rain and now the wind is blowing pollen everywhere. It's a miracle that anything wants to bloom as harsh as the weather has been or should I say anti-specific. It really doesn't want to be cold, nor hot, definitely not wet, but yet, the flowers bloom. My first pink rose of 2009. Belinda's Dream 
Coming home last night the sky was blue but the winds were blowing so hard my roses were scattering their petals across the drive like it was snowing. But because I did my feeding, the buds are popping out all over in a beautiful array of pink. Light pink, hot pink...my favorite rose. Even my trees are budding with the wind whipping them. I've nested here at 11227 since 1997 and planted almost every tree. The builder did make a stab at a few (now long gone shrubs, but no trees, except for the grouping in the front). This beautiful tree was less than 12 inches tall when I brought it home and it took a whole week-end to dig through the rock to get it in the ground. I never thought it would stand so proud or grow and flourish as it has.
Even now, 12 year later, when I dig in my flower beds, rocks are still buried beneath the soil...no that would be rock/sand and are to be dealt with. I've dug every flower bed, pulled every weed and mulched every bed. An orthopaedic surgeon here in SA,TX can attest to surgically repairing a really torn rotator cuff that tugged and pulled at 40 lb. bags of mulch (200 bags to be exact). When he asked my son, Sam "what does your Mom do that she tore this shoulder up so bad?" Sam's response: "Whatever she wants to but I think she was spreading mulch." There were so many bags that planting season...the year after repair surgery I couldn't tolerate the smell that permeated so many of our small nurseries and big box stores with their new shipments of mulch and peat moss. I would take another route into the store and there was no mulching 11227 that year. And doesn't everybody love the fresh smell of grass and mulch at the start of spring...I know I do. Now, I'm not saying I've done the mowing and edging at 11227 because that would take away from the kindly fellow that magically appears every Thursday between April 1 and October 1 since 1997. In all these years he's missed only one Thursday of making sure my lawn welcomes me home as manicured as this hot Texas sun will allow, given water restrictions from lack of rainfall. 
Everything is blooming now and we've had a bit of rain. Everything seems so new ...there is nothing quite as pleasant except maybe a walk in the evening hours or watching your adult "kiddo" mow his baseball field where you can hear the trees rustle, the birds chirping around and the bees harmonizing with life as they drift among the flowers. Of course, Coach is asking: "Can I mow over this, what about this?" That would be negative to the bluebonnets that blanket the field behind his outfield! 
It's worth all the scooping of blooms when it's 105 degress on a hot San Antonio day and you can take a quick dip with intermittent gardening not to count enjoying a cool salad with the fruits of your labor...folks, meet Tommy the Tomato. I do admit to being in a bit of competition with a friend and we count blooms with every conversation. All in fun...seeing if the results of our hard work live up to expectations. With three tomato plants, I expect a full harvest but with my neighbor's tree trying to hang out over the fence, it's branches like some muscle man arms, it may impede my tomato's best efforts...just too much shade. Tommy may be moving to a new location in the near future! 
My Art Room is where many memories reside through my photos, my mother's rubber stamp collection and where I bring life to my memories through photos, scrapbooking, cardmaking and any thing I can find to keep hands busy, bring a smile through a gift, and keep my heart happy.
Geographically, home is Texas City, Tx where I was born, grew up, and lived with my parents and my sisters and brother in Small House. It was brand new when my parents bought it ...I was about 13 and they were so proud of it. It was where I was scolded a little and praised a lot. My family contributed so much to my life and my memories, and I love keeping the memories alive through my stories and photos. My mother was a very young mother (17) when I was born and we were probably more like sisters than mother-daughter. I think we taught each other about motherhood and the memories I have with my sisters and brother, that I absorbed through every day adventures and challenges, were lessons well learned, later well used and became the foundation of my values when I became a mother. Of course, I realize it was my mother's memories as a young woman that led her to a different style of parenting with me...a little harder on me than I would have liked, but I was rewarded with a unique sense of self, a good, healthy dose of self-esteem (you think) a great deal of independence and the ability to love unconditionally. There was a lot of love in Small House and I know so well how difficult it must have been, especially with just one bathroom and 4 kiddos. Something that is unheard of now...one bathroom. If my boys think I am a "Mom story teller" they should only have heard half of her stories and memories.
I came into this world telling my Mom "we've got places to go, things to do and people to see." She knew I wanted my independence early on and I always took a lot of pride in Small House, digging and planting, and the contribution I made as the oldest of four, which was mostly babysitting and housecleaning, which I do no more. Never. Someone else's job! So...I came by my bossiness and independence naturally and then it was home grown from there. Mom was usually up for whatever hobby or sport was interesting me at the time but I wanted my own place and my own space the day I graduated from High School. That I did...moving out of Small House with one bathroom. Boy, were there a couple of bathroom door bangings that only a sister and brother could get into fighting over a bathroom. I've always been a bathroom hog and a closet slob but the rest of any home I've lived in has screamed neatness or so I'm told. Seems to be a fear with most people (except my boys) when they come to my home...but organizing is one of my virtues that haunts me frequently. I sure hope it doesn't take away from the warmth but rather is just a memory of when I used to organize my spices. Not something I got from my mother but from her mother and my Dad. He taught me to keep the garage the cleanest because he said it was what we would see first. True enough, few people ever walk through my front door after the initial visit...from then on it's the backdoor coming into my garage... that still needs more organization!
Photos of his home - he has quite a green thumb but he and his neighbors, Susan, Sandy, Ulrech and Julie work hard to make their townhomes quite a showplace.
Here is Sue who I've known since we were 10 and 11 with her niece, Kristen, Tracie's big sister, "Sissy" as she is called by many of us, Mommy to Sydney and Blake, beautiful wife, a wonderful school teacher and about to be aunt to little Jack. Visiting Texas City brought back a lot of memories and while most of them are good memories, it's really true (at least for me) "you can't go home. 
and 10 years, a lot of memories left at Big House, and a divorce later, the boys and I moved into "Little House" that now appears to be decorated with a brand new mailbox! 
I loved both houses just the same, each with their own personality and memories...skateboarding into the swimming pool while I wasn't watching (bad Stevo), kayaking in the Bay (Doug's idea but Sam was a good sport), dune buggy riding, 4-wheeling on the lot next door of Big House, jogging routes, ski trips and many, many baseball games and school activities combined with a lot of holidays, friends and family.
Texas City High School appears much smaller due to photographer download error! 
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