SAMUEL JOSEPH SEBESTA, SON TWO
I knew these chapters were going to be good long “reads.” As soon as First son completed a phase, he quickly moved on to his next phase with Second son right behind him moving through his new phase. So, while I remained in the same Chapter, my parental role continued to evolve and transition into subchapters. My feelings about these transitions of the boys, inching their way toward independence, would occasionally bring temporary bouts of feelings of loss and a sense of emptiness, a feeling that is ongoing but intermittent with great moments of love, awe, joy and pride, sprinkled with a lot of love. I am proud of their achievements from their first baby steps, to the first day of kindergarten, to the start of college, but off and on I have these feelings of closed chapters and chapters I selfishly want to bookmark. Looking back, I knew that dwelling on these feelings was not a positive reaction to their growth and accomplishment but even when friends would console me, I had the feelings all the same. But as happens to all of us, life throws out the curve balls …divorce, death of loved ones, disappointments, career changes or moving to a new city…thus beginning more subchapters. Throughout the chapters there were times when I felt free because I would see the boys gaining their much strived for independence and celebrate those moments of independence but those times and feelings of celebration were combined with “they don’t need me anymore” feelings. It had become customary for me to be the person to be viewed as the one that could fix anything and to be needed but I would get lost in these chapters not realizing that I was losing my own identity. Keeping a mirror on my own identity, without wrapping it around another person, or a career, has been a struggle and continues…an individual work in progress.
THE THREE OF US, SAM, BEVERLY & STEVEN
There was just the three of us for so many years that when the nest emptied, with my boys graduating from college, I had to work extra hard not to inject my life into their newly created lives…their independent and individual lives… after all, that was the very thing I strived for and worked to give them. I wanted each to have a life that was not mine to live and certainly not to control. On a road trip recently and feeling a might sorry for myself because there was the feeling of “nobody needs me” was playing over and over in my mind, I realized that my wanting to make decisions and “control” was an indication that I didn’t trust them with their own decisions. It was a moment that began (didn’t resolve it totally) to be a turning point in all this “loss” feeling. I know I helped them to learn to make decisions and live with their decisions…why did I feel the need to hang on to their lives or try to control their lives. I don’t…it’s that simple. All the same, I occasionally find myself not feeling needed and then just as soon as that feeling passes, a new chapter has inked itself right into my Life Book…Advisor chapter. This chapter, the Advisor, where I no longer find myself as a guidance counselor/disciplarian but more of an Advisor/Friend has actually been a freeing experience with a new beginning...a beautiful New Beginning straight from Heaven.
BROCK LAYNE SEBESTA 7.3.09
A new Chapter added to my Life Book and who created a New Book came into our lives on July 3, 2009 at 6:25 a.m., weighing 7 lbs., 1 oz., 19” L.
First son and my lovely daughter-in-awe have been blessed with this gift from God.
STEVEN & LAUREN SEBESTA, new parents. This little bundle from heaven, Brock Layne, was named after his Dad, Steven Layne, who was named after his Dad, Terrell Layne. A New Book of chapters begins for these new parents and My Book with all it's chapters continues... with many subchapters that I find I can’t wait to turn the pages and enjoy. As a new Nana, (Nana, as in “Nana Banana” as my cousin coined me affectionately) I am learning quickly (though it wasn’t immediate) our children need us all along the way but at different times and in a different ways. I plan to embrace this new chapter and look forward to more new chapters where we three, plus two, will have deeper and more mature relationships for years to come. What a great read. I’m not putting this book down but every now and again and then only for a hug or two.
Love,
Babs, now known as Nana
